At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
