the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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