I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
