I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
