He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Found the puke drawer
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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