I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
