If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
