my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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