Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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