I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
