R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
