Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
