You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
