I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
