so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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