You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
