ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
