every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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