mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
