Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
