there's paper in my vomit.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
