i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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