Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
