Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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