It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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