a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
