I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
