as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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