nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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