I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
