and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
