I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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