No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
