Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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