My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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