Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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