If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
