So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
