This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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