Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
