areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
