just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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