Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
