we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
