we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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