If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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