New low: just hacked my moms facebook
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
NoShamevember. You game?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
