You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
