so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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