you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
