I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
