Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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