I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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