he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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