Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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