It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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