Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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