One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
