i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
