Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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