did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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