Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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