I need help removing her.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
