Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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