Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
