Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
